dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
