Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
