So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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