I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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