I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
