my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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