oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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