My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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