so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
