Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
