You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
