Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
