why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
