I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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