Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
