You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
