I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
