i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
