dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
