Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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