Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
