you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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