I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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