my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We talked him into tasing himself.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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