Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
