seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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