I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
