My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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