I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
