I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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