Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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