She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
