She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
