Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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