what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
