Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
