He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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