you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
