The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The adults are the big ones right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
