we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
