Already got asked if we're dating
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
