I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
