you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
