my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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