on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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