new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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