Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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