since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
