Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
