go do what you do best...puke behind churches
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
