I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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