Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
