You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
