his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
