Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
