We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
